Prayer - And what I learned.

This past week has been a pretty bad week for me in terms of productivity and my walk with the Lord.  I have to admit that I have not been prioritize my time well. I’ve wasted a bunch of my time last week just randomly here and there, even though I have not directly sin in the acts I did during those random times (meaning, I wasn’t out chasing women, or getting drunk, or looking at porn, and so on…). During those times of procrastination, I haven’t been going to bed at a decent hour, because would try and get the stuff that needs to be done late at night. Due to that fact, I did not get a lot of sleep. And one event lead to another, work load start piling up, and by the end of the week I got stuff that needs to be done piled up the waazoo, and I just don’t want to do them. Also I have not been going to the Word, or have a real quiet time with the Lord for a while now.

It has gotten to the point where I was skipping classes already. Making up excuses for why I shouldn’t go to class, and justifying what I was doing was for my best interest. For example… I skipped one of my CS367 class, because I couldn’t wake up in time. Well, that’s not completely true, I probably could have skipped shower and breakfast, and rush over there being maybe a few minutes late. But I justified in my mind that I wouldn’t have made it on time anyways. I skipped on of my badminton class because I pulled a muscle while getting out of bed. I skipped one of my choir session, because it is not as important as my CS352 class, and I had a pre-lab due that day, and it wasn’t done. (well, the last one might have some truth to it, it wasn’t all my fault)

In terms of my walk with the Lord:

I can’t remember the last time I had a real quiet time with the Lord. Most of the time, if I do interact with the Lord, it’s when right before meal, prayer to bless the meal. Or right before bed, thanking Him for the day, and then go through my list of prayer requests… the routine…   I have not been going to the Word on a regular basis. I am not sure which came first (kinda a chicken or the egg question). I do not know if my procrastination caused by lack of going to the Lord… or the other way around. But regardless which caused which, I admit I have not been doing what I should have been doing. And the only way to fix my problem is to do it.

Part of my issue:

I was at Blackhawk church today (I couldnt make it to the morning session because I couldn’t get out of bed in time… see what I mean?)… And the sermon was titled “Can you hear me now?”, and the pastor was using the analogy of our prayer to God is like a cell phone, and the cell phone signal in relation to the cell tower. Sometimes, we get good reception and no drop calls or whatever (we pray, and God answers).But other times, it seems like we pray, and nothing happens.

The pastor was saying when we are out of range of the cell tower to get reception, there is nothing the cell tower can do, it is US that have to move closer to the tower in order to get a good coverage. Well, going back to prayer, the way we can get better reception/coverage is to pray correctly. We looked at the proper way of praying, and specifically in Daniel 9. In the prayer, it was coming from the HEART! Sin was confessed many times (some may not necessary used the word sin, but it’s pretty clear it’s talking about sin… such as, done wrong.. and other synonyms). Then the pastor gave us some time to reflect, and go the the Lord, and just be true to God…

That is sorta when I realized, I haven’t really been sincere to God. That may be why I have been not doing too hot. That might be why I have been stumbling, and my prayers are not really being answered. I have NOT BEEN SINCERE TO GOD, because I didn’t prioritize my time well, and when it’s time for bed, I am usually too tired to do a good prayer with God.

Then I thought about it some more, and think back to the last time I really really had a sincere prayer. And the only one that I can think of was when I was head over heels for a girl. THOSE prayers were soo sincere, I was able to see God move. I was serious about the girl, I would do anything for her. And I think part of the problem of why things turned south between the girl and I was because things did start to look good, and I depended less and less on God. And took matters onto my own hands, and that was when I messed up, and caused the whole relationship (it was just friendship), to fall apart. Things are still broken between the two of us, and I as the man, did not initiate healing. Again I was making excuses in my head, justifying why I think it’s not my position to initiate. The truth is, that is all crap.

The plan to get back on track:

Well, I obviously need to re-prioritize my time. And I should really seek the Lord first in whatever I do, and everything else will fall into place. I think if I go to the Lord sincerely, and really pray, and really make an effort to sincerely desire Him (instead of just going to Him because that’s just one thing on your checklist you need to do before you go to bed at night).  If I did that…. the rest of my day will fall into place.  Things will get done, I will not be stressed out. I will have more time for myself to do things I like, I would probably get more sleep.  I would probably also struggle less with contentment.

That’s my challenge for myself. I am going to send this to my accountability brothers, and make sure they see me go through with this. I CAN fight the grip that satan has on Madison’s environment. But I cannot fight this battle alone. In GOD all things are possible.